Free Pineapples!
by Hottie Pirates R We
Summary: Three teenage girls from Tortuga team up with Jack and Will to save Elizabeth. The only problem is, they know nothing about sailing or pirating, yet insist they are the best pirates that ever graced the Caribbean. Say it with us people… WANNABES!
1. The three girls of Tortuga

Hey everyone! This story was on pokerfiend1313's penname , but it decided it didn't like it there, so it moved. Now, everyone should be forewarned that this story is not necessarily going to be really good, its mostly just for fun. So, no one should expect too much. We will each write a chapter Ser, Catie and Cad (going in that order, though once you get in the middle it doesn't realy matter whose name comes first). It is a little slow, but not to worry, it will...wait it might not pick up...oh well. Ser wrote this chappie, but I (cad) am writting this author's note thing because i said i would get this up and going. neways, like newone cares...Here it is.

Disclaimer: WE OWN NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Cad, Ser, and Caitie walked down the chaotic streets of Tortuga like they owned them. They had lived their whole lives in Tortuga, never once stepping foot outside the town. And yet... they thought they were the most bad-ass pirate chicks that ever graced the Caribbean. How they came up with this idea without stepping foot on a ship or outside of the town is unknown, but these young ladies had a rude awakening heading their way.  
  
"So... what should we do today?" Caitie asked. She had long, curly, dark brown hair, grey eyes rimmed in black and flecked with gold, and was rather short. She was wearing her four-leaf clover talisman (she always wore it), baggy, black pants with a white tank top, finishing off her outfit with a pair of tall, lace-up, black, boots. In fact, all three girls sported the same boots.  
  
"I don't know, but I'm sick of betting on bar fights." Cad said. She had on a fitted dark blue vest that laced up in the back over an off white shirt with slightly baggy 3/4 length sleeves. These were over a light blue skirt with a artistic looking ripped looking bottom. She was a little short (but not as short as Catie) had light brown hair with lighter highlights that came half way down her back and was a little wavy, which was braided in two, tight french braids on either side of her head braided all the way down to the ends and finished with light blue ribbons tied to the ends. She had bright green eyes always filled with anticipation and excitement.  
  
"That's 'cause you both always lose!" Ser replied. She was the tallest of her friends by a long shot with brown eyes and medium-length blonde hair with bright red tips. She was wearing black capris with a red corset over an overly large white blouse.  
  
"Do you wanna take this outside?" Caitie threatened.  
  
"We're already outside, genius." Cad mumbled.  
  
"Bring it on Grandma!" Ser replied to Catie's earlier comment.  
  
"Um, I would fight you, but I just polished my sword, and I'd hate to dirty it with your blood!" Catie said, quickly coming up with an excuse not to fight. As much as they threatened each other, they had never actually gotten into any real fights before. Thus proving the earlier point. These young ladies thought they were hot stuff, but anyone with an ounce of sense could clearly see that these were wannabe pirates, which was even considered by some, worse than being cursed.  
  
Before long, they found themselves at the docks.  
  
"We're pirates, why don't we commandeer a ship?" Catie suggested.  
  
"Sure, but, have you ever sailed before?" Cad asked.  
  
"No... but I bet it'd be easy! All you do is just pull on a couple of ropes and crap like that. Come on, what do we have to lose?" Ser replied.  
  
They made their way through the mass of ships and found the perfect ship. The Interceptor appeared unguarded, so the three wannabes waltzed up the ramp and attempted to get the ship moving. This was about as effective as moving a boulder with a feather, due to their lack of experience and they finally had to stop their attempts and dive behind some crates and barrels when they heard footsteps moving on the dock below.  
  
"Feast your eyes, Captain. All of them, faithful hands before the mast, every man worth his salt. And crazy to boot." A man said. They couldn't see who was talking, and didn't want to be found, so they just stayed hidden.  
  
"So, this is your able-bodied crew?" A younger-sounding man asked.  
  
"We should leave now. We can commandeer a different ship. I don't think these pirates would appreciate stowaways." Cad whispered, once again, being the voice of reason.  
  
"Oh come on, please... what is there left in Tortuga for us? Nothing. Don't you want a real adventure? The kind we always used to talk about. We aren't in any huge danger. I mean, we already are probably the most feared pirates in Tortuga, we were meant to be here." Ser said passionately with a hint of mockingness (heh, I know that's not a word, but I like making words up!).  
  
"Please...please, please, please, please, please!" Catie begged.  
  
"Whatever, let's just stay hidden as long as we can." Cad said. So they stayed hidden, and eventually sleep came to them as Will Turner, Captain Jack Sparrow and his crew boarded the ship.  
  
Interested in reading any more? PLEASE REVIEW!! Let us know what you think of it so far! Please let us know of anything you can think of that would help! Or, just review a bunch of random stuff (we like randomness) to show that people are actually reading this! Believe it or not, this story kinda has a plot, so just let us know if we should keep going! If you don't like this, than go ahead and tell us (try not to be mean about it though please!), but please tell us specifically why, and how we could fix it to make it better. Boy, are we depressing or what?  
  
Ser (pokerfiend1313)


	2. Stupider than she not saying who, lol lo...

Thanx for all the reviews (/cough/ none except for one of the authoress's)! Here's the next chapter which was written by Catie. Enjoy!

Last chapter: "Whatever, let's just stay hidden as long as we can." Cad said. So they stayed hidden, and eventually sleep came to them as Will Turner, Captain Jack Sparrow and his crew boarded the ship.

"Hey, why is the ground all wobbly?" Catie whispered after they had woken up, "It's not an earthquake, is it?"

"No, of course no, you dingbat. It's a tornado." Cad replied sarcastically.

"You both must have been dropped when you were little." Ser adopted a know-it-all tone, "This boat-"

"Ship." Interrupted Catie.

"Okaaay, ship. This _ship _is in the water."

There was silence...

"So?" said Catie.

Ser gave an exasperated sigh, "So the water is making it move."

"Oh." Catie looked puzzled. "Why?"

"Because... because... because... it just does, okay!" Ser cried.

"Jeez, someone's in a touchy mood today."

"Well you would be too if your friend was being intentionally stupid."

"I am not intentionally stupid! I was just-"

"Hey, pipe down and come check this out!" Cad had crawled to the steering wheel of the boat they were on. "But don't stand up, they'll be able to see us." Catie and Ser crawled out from behind the barrels and joined Cad who was now pretending to steer the ship from the floor.

"Who'll be able to see us?" Catie asked.

"Whoever's ship this is."

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh. Ok."

"This is sooo cool!" Cad exclaimed.

"Cad, let me have a go, mate." Ser tried to push Cad out of the way.

"No, I was here first and I'm staying," Cad crossed her arms and frowned.

"Um, you guys?" Catie said timidly.

"You've already had a turn, that's not fair!" Ser was so annoyed at Cad, that she didn't hear Catie.

"Hey, don't shove! Ow!" Cad rubbed her elbow, "You meanie!"

"GUYS!" Catie screamed.

"WHAT?" Cad and Ser stopped arguing to look at Catie.

"Aren't those the people we saw on the dock?"

OK NOW, PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!


	3. Piratas

**OH MY GOSH! WE GOT A REVIEW! It is so awesome! Thank you so much Warrier Chick! It is so exciting to get a first review! I don't know if anyone else has seen it yet but I (Caddy) was very excited. Alright, here's my chappie. I hope you like it. And anyone who reads this PLEASE REVIEW! PLEASE! PLEASE!**

**Disclaimer: Nosotros tenemos nada. Es una vergüenza, pero es la verdad dura fría.**

Last chapter: "Aren't those the people we saw on the dock?"

And there was a group of pirates standing about two feet away from the girls. Now, you must remember that all three girls were lying stomach down on the deck of the boat. So from where they were, all three girl had to crank their neck to look up into the faces of some slightly angry and extremely confused looking pirates.

"Hi!" said Cad, her voice going an octave higher like it usually does when she gets excited.

The pirates looked at each other as if they couldn't tell who she was talking to and then back at the girls.

"I'm Cad! And that's Ser and Catie!" she continued in a still high pitched voice.

"Uh...it's very nice ta meet you. But what are ya doin' on my ship mates?" a pirate with dread locks and a red bandanna asked as he stepped forward slightly away from the group; although, he was careful not to get too close to the girls as though he was worried they were poisonous or were going to bite him or something.

"So you're the...the...the...leader?" Ser asked.

"Try 'captain' dingbat," Catie corrected her.

"Yeah! Captain! That's the word! So you're the _Captain_?" Ser continued turning back to the pirate.

"That's right love, captain," he replied savoring the word in his mouth as if it were a sugar cube. "I'm Captain Jack Sparrow. No doubt you've heard of me," it really wasn't a question, more of a statement.

All three girls exchanged questioning glances before turning back to Jack. All of a sudden Ser went off on a long tirade in Spanish. "Desde luego, no he oído hablar de él! Pomposo arrogante estúpido! Él problemente es nadie! Engreído embécil! Él probablemente es como totalments pirates en el mar! Sucio, vergonzoso y horroroso! Coño! El hombre piensa he oído hablar de él! Hay un mil millones piratea en el mundo! Él piensa él estar el solomente pirata he oído! Bien, informacion amigo! Tú no es el solomente pirata he oído hablar de, contrario a tu egocéntrico opinion!"

_(AN: there is a translation of that into English at the end of this chappie if you want to read it. Also, I have taken some Spanish but not a ton and so the preceding paragraph may not be totally accurate. If anyone speaks better Spanish than I do cough(a lot of people cough and can help me out be pointing out mistakes that would be great! Gracias!")_

There was a long silence. Jack looked at the girls. Cad and Catie looked and each other and all was silent. Finally Cad and Catie turned back to Jack and said "She says sorry but no." (_AN2: that is from peter pan, I did not make that up)_ More silence followed. The girls continued to lay on their stomachs and look up at the pirates and the pirates continued to shift uneasily and look down at the girls. More silence.

"Right then," Jack finally said breaking the now too familiar awkward silence. "What are ye doin' on me ship?"

Ser was the first to answer, "What are we doin' on yer ship? Ummm....What are we doin' on yer ship? We are...We are...Actually...to be honest...I have no idea what we're doin' on yer ship." Ser kept looking from side to side at her mates who were on either side. "Do you guys know what we're doin' here?" She continued to look back and forth between Cad and Catie.

Finally Catie came up with an answer, "It's just, it's such a pretty boat."

"Aye, it's a pretty boat," Jack said dreamily then proceeded to look like he was in "La La Land" as he absentmindedly ran his fingers over the steering wheel and gazed off into space.

The three girls look at eachother and then started giggling uncontrollably. Jack snapped back into the real world and looked extremely annoyed that first of all, that anyone had seen him dreaming, and second of all, that these three snippets of girls were laughing at him.

"Ye don't 'have ta laugh at me!" the laughing grew stronger. "STOP IT!" All three girls beam silent, until they looked at each other and erupted with laughter again. "Into The Brig With 'Em!" Jack announced.

**Oooo, whats gonna happen? I don't know! Well, actually I do know...but you don't know...which is why you should review and that will make us want to update sooner so you can find out what happens.**

**Translation: "Of course I don't kow who he is! Pompus arrogant jerk! He is probably no one! Conceited prat! He is probably like all the other pirates int he ocean! Dirty, disgusting and hirrible! Bloody hell! The man thinks I've heard of him! there are a billion pirates in the world! He thinks he is the only one I've heard of! Well, newsflash buddy! You aren't the only pirate I've heard of, contrary to you self-centerd opinion!"**


	4. Warm up your singin' voices, lasses

**Howdy peeps! Catie here, hope you're enjoying the story and sorry for the loooooong wait....Ser could not for the life of her remember where she put this chappie, and I had to bake her some cookies before she even bothered to look for it, but she found it!!!! yay!!! come to think of it, where did I put the next chapter? oh shoot....**

**Chapter 4**

**"Singin' in the Brig"**

**written by the one and only forgetful Ser**

"NOOOOOOOOO! Not the brig! Anything but the brig!" Catie wailed as the pirates dragged them below deck.

Jack ignored her and slammed the cell door shut. "Gibbs, ye best guard 'em ta make sure they don't escape," he ordered, before disappearing above, leaving an unfortunate Gibbs to babysit three hyper wannabe pirates.

After about thirty seconds of silence, Cad, Ser and Catie looked at each other and grinned mischieviously. They opened their mouths, and broke out into song. "Dat's my cigah, you'll steal annudah, 'ey bummahs we got woik ta do..."

--Ten minutes later--

"We gonna rock down to Electric Avenue, and then we'll take it higher..."

--Half an hour later--

"I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves and this is how it goes..."

"ENOUGH!!!!" Gibbs yelled as the girls started on their next song ("...I am what I wear, and how I dress. Oh now I believe in lookin' like my time on Earth is cookin'..."). "Sparrow! Git down 'ere!"

"Wha' is it, Gibbs?" Jack asked as he popped into the room.

"I am NOT babysittin' these 'ere wenches any longer! They're crazier than ye, and annoyin' ta boot!" Gibbs said, shaking his head in his hands. "Ye can guard 'em, I'm outta 'ere!"

"Now, wha' did ye do ta poor ol' Gibbs?" Jack asked them, as Gibbs left the room looking relieved.

"Nothin'!" Cad said, using her innocent, doe-eyed expression to its full effect.

"Hey! I just thought of another song!" Ser said excitedly, jumping up and down. "Remember the lumberjack song? 'I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay, I sleep all night and I work all day. I cut down trees, I wear high heels, suspenders and a bra. I wish - '"

"Shaddup! Yer drivin' me crazy!" Jack yelled, covering his ears.

"I know a song about that! 'She drives me CRAZY! Oh, oh, like no one else! Oh oh...'" Ser sang at the top of her lungs.

"Wha' do ye wan' from me?!?!?" Jack cried and Ser immediately shut up.

"Out!!!" Catie demanded. Then she added, mumbling, "I hate the brig. Too confining. I need room to be sugar-high properly..."

"Fine," Jack sighed. "Bu' ye can't laugh a' me no more, an' ye must be quiet an' calm." He unlocked the door.

The girls just looked at each other and burst out laughing hysterically.

"I said no laughing!" Jack said warningly.

"Face it, Sparrow." Catie said."You can't make us shut up, I mean, we can't even make ourselves shut up." She looked at Cad and Ser, whonodded knowingly.

"We've gotthe power," Catie continued. "You can't tell us what to do, and if you punish us, we'll just getyou back twelve times worse!"

"Thirteen!" Ser chimed in.

"Yeah!" Cad said intimidatingly.** (Hey, so what if it ain't a word? It's cool!)**

There was a silence as Jack looked at the three girls, as if considering how much damage they could cause, and the three girls stared back in what they thought was an intimidating manner, but justresulted inthemlooking rather comical.

"Alright," Jack said finally.

"YAY!" Catie cheered.

"So what do we do now?" Cad asked.

Jack seemed to mull it over, and asked, "Can ye cook?"

"Suuuuuuuuure, I can cook. Heh, yeah, riiiiiiight," Ser answered.

Jack didn't catch her sarcasm. "Good," he said. "Ye've all got kitchen duty. Now, get goin'."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One look at the kitchen and only two words came out of Cad, Catie and Ser's mouths. "Oh, crap."

A mess is an understatement. The dishes were crusty, the floor was caked with goodness knows what, and the food was just laying around in barrels or on the dirty table. Need I say more?

"What are we gonna do?" Ser whined. "I can't cook for beans, and the floor looks cleaner than that table!"

"You clean, we'll cook," Cad orderd, and because Ser didn't want to be poisoned by her own cooking, she agreed. Oh yeah, and while they were working, they sang! Yay!

Finally, it was time for dinner and a parade of pirates stormed into the kitchen. Jack and a very hot young man brought up the rear.

"Will, these are those crazy lasses I was tellin' ye about." Jack said. "Crazy lasses, this is William Turner, Bootstrap's only child, savvy?" (Hint hint wink wink)

"Whoa, did anyone ever tell you that you are an extremely sexy hunk of a young man?" Ser asked as the three girls' mouths dropped open and a big puddle of drool formed beneath their feet on the nice clean floor.

"Hey, wha' abou' me? I'm a sexy hunk of a man," Jack said indignantly as they flocked to Will, ignoring the older pirate completely.

"Oh, I get it. I'm tooo sexy, right?! Right?! SEXY PIRATES NEED LOVING TOO!!!!" he yelled.

**Coming up....**

**Parle vous francais?**

**I think...if I can find it...uh oh! well, if we get enough reviews from people other than the authors, then maybe, just maybe I'll be motivated to look for it. Even if you don't want to say anything about the story, just let us know that you're reading it! YAY! See ya in two chapters!**

**Catie**


	5. A little French lesson for Mr Turner

**Yay yay, another chappie up an' running by the super-de-duper Catie, who is **

**really hyper right now because she just made Christmas cookies and they aren't **

**burnt! Yippee! Okay, on with the chappie!**

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cad, Catie and Ser grouped around Will, exclaiming over him ecstatically-but in

French.

"Oh, il est si mignon!" Ser gushed.

"Adorable!" chimed in Catie.

"Simpliment divin," Cad sighed.

"I'm hungry!" Jack announced, but was ignored by the girls. Unperturbed, he

proceeded to hop around the kitchen yelling "I'm hungry!" at the top of his voice.

The girls continued to chatter away in French to Will, who, knowing not an inkling

of French, just stood there looking puzzled, and it was a few minutes before the

girls noticed his confusion.

"Pourqoui ne est il parle?" Catie asked worriedly.

"Peut-etre il est sourd," Cad said in an uncertain voice.

"Le darn, tout les garçons mignones sont sourdes," Ser grumbled.

She turned around in disappointment, only to find Jack, who had ceased jumping

around the kitchen bellowing, inches away from her left ear. She yelped in fright and

he jumped back, startled.

"Sorry, luv, I didn' mean ta give ya a frigh' li' that, bu' may I enquire as ta why ya

lasses were conversin' in the noble language of français?"

Ser furrowed her eyebrows. "We were?"

Jack looked at her as if concerned of her sanity. Ser gave him an identical one.

"Ya, ya were, luv. An' youn' mistah Turner here, he doesn' exactly comprehend français,

savvy? On'y good ol' English."

"We were not speaking French!" Ser hissed.

"Wanna bet?"

Ser clenched her fists and squeezed her eyes shut in frustration. She exhaled noisily, then

opened her eyes. "Alright, Sparrow, you win. But don't get used to it. And we won't be

speaking French to Mr. Turner again." She turned back to Cad, Catie and Will, but found

only Cad and Catie.

"Where's Will?" she asked her friends.

"Over there," said Catie dismally. "He ditched us for some of his pirate buddies."

"Yeah, and he looked at us like we were seaweed or something equally gross, like eggplant."

Cad looked down at her feet miserably. "I just don't understand it. We usually can get any

cute guy to fall for us."

"Well, girls, the fact is that we were speaking French," Ser explained.

"No, we weren't," Catie contradicted her.

"Yes, actually we were."

"Whoa, I didn't even notice!" Cad exclaimed. "I guess being bilingual is freaky after all!"

Catie and Ser gave her a quizzical look.

"Make that quadruple-lingual, Cad."

"Oh, right."

"Anyway," Ser continued. "We have to watch ourselves."

"Why?" asked Catie and Cad at the same time.

'Because," said Ser.

"Because why?"

"Because hot young Will doesn't speak French, unfortunately."

"Darn," said Catie.

"Yeah, darn," Cad echoed.

There was a minute of silence.

"At least he's not deaf," Catie said finally.

"That's definitely a relief!" laughed Ser.

"Hooray!" Cad cheered, and, not even knowing what they were cheering for, but not

wanting to look stupid, the other pirates joined in.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Aaaaaaaaand, here's the French translation for anyone who wants to know...also, **

**just like with the Spanish chapter, we could really use any help we can get with this **

**translation, because none of us take French, and my French dictionary really really **

**stinks.**

**1. "Oh he's so cute!" **

**2. "Adorable!" (big toughie)**

**3. "Simply divine" **

**4. "Why isn't he talking?"**

**5. "Maybe he's deaf"**

**6. "Darn, all of the cute guys are deaf"**

**Coming up in the next chappie, which will air sometime next weekend if wedecide **

**to update...**

**uuuuuuum, don't remember have to ask Cad, cuz she's the one who wrote it! **

**Shoutouts: **

**_Warrier Chick:_ thanx billions for the French lesson! are these translations okay? **

**keep reading! it gets funnier!**

**_wild-lotus:_ hehe, the title is completely and utterly RANDOM! yippee! Ser thought **

**of it cuz she couldn't ****think of anything serious, and since the story isn't very serious, **

**it's kinda fitting. and we try to write alot, ****and it ends up being really really long on paper, **

**but then we type 'em up and it's short. it's so sad!**


End file.
